Unexpected

As a Junior in college, I am used to many asking me what I want to do when I graduate from college. From the very beginning of my college career, I had no clue. I spent my freshman year of college at Pensacola Christian in Pensacola, Florida as a Management major. I was pursuing a field I had the mindset and multiple skills for. At the moment, all I wanted was to work high up in a company as the manager of operations, own my own pizza shop, or something along the lines of finances. After my freshman year of college, I got a summer job as an administrative assistant out in American Canyon, California at a waste management company.

Not only did I have the privilege of working a position that would speak volumes on my resume; but I was able to spend the summer living with my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew. I loved my job in California! I dealt with paperwork daily, spreadsheets, customer service, formatting, scanning, filing, organizing, etc. I loved the experience I was receiving in my field and it led me to look for a school with a better business program than Pensacola had. As I searched for different colleges, I was struck with a flashback when Clarks Summit University popped onto the screen. I had looked at this school once before, when I had first graduated high school, after my youth pastor’s wife was suggesting I investigate it as a possibility. Now that I was looking at it a second time, the first thing I did was look at the tuition.

You see, PCC has a tuition under $9,000 and includes room and board. As a saver and a business minded person, the thought of going anywhere I would have to take loans out freaked me out. I wanted nothing to do with debt. I wanted to be in full control of my finances. I had thought I trusted God; however, you will see how I did not.

When I saw a tuition, room, and board total of $30,000 for Clarks Summit, I said “No way that is an option! There’s no way I could come up with that kind of money for a year let alone to finish my degree. God, I am sorry, but—”. I have no proof; but I am convinced God laughed the moment I said those words. He knew where He was about to take me and how blown away I would be by His provision. He knew the lack of faith I had in Him, the creator of Heaven and Earth. I was so arrogant to think I could trust myself over an all powerful God.

Three days later on July 7, 2017, I applied for the Spring semester of 2018. I decided to just see what happens. By July 17, 2017, I was an enrolled student at Clarks Summit University for the Fall of 2017 where I have stayed to prepare myself for my future career. In the ten days between me applying and being enrolled, so much happened. The ways that God worked things out financially for me to even get to the campus or pay for schooling blew my mind. Each step I was a nervous wreck, especially about finances, BUT GOD saw me in my lack of faith and fullness of pride and still provided. He came through every step of the way! On August 21, 2017, just a month after being enrolled in the college, I arrived for preseason of volleyball. This day was my first ever time to the campus. The moment my feet touched the sidewalk outside my dorm, I felt at home. It was clear I was right where I needed to be!

A semester in, the Lord began to tug on my heart to lean towards counseling as a major possibility. I decided to make it my minor and take a counseling class my second semester at the college. It was a Tuesday night class called Women Counseling Women that I decided to add to my schedule. Just 30 minutes into the three hours of the first class for this course, I knew that God had something more for me than an office job of any kind. The calling was too great to ignore! God had wired me and allowed me to go through some awful things to prepare me for that very moment where I decided what I needed to do first thing the next day; I had to go to the registrar to switch my major from Business to Counseling.

I had never felt such joy, passion, fear, or inspiration all at the same time in my life! I felt the pieces of my life just falling into place of how to answer the “What do you want to do after college?” question. I knew right then that I wanted to be a High School Guidance Counselor. Nothing had ever been more clear to me than this in that moment. In a split second, I went from utter confusion of my future to a crazy piece of clarity. It was like I was looking at the cover to a puzzle and part of the picture was no longer blurry. I could see how God shaped me to be a counselor! I could see how it just made sense to major in counseling!

I had no idea when God was calling me to CSU that He would lead me to majoring in counseling, or anticipating getting my Doctorate at Liberty University online once I get my Master's in Spring of 2021. I would have laughed at God had He told me that as I decided on a new college for me. God knew how to get me to where He wanted me and every step that needed to be taken to get my stubborn heart there. I am sure you have heard the following quote:

"Sin will take you farther than you ever thought you would go; it will keep you there longer than you ever intended to stay, and it will cost you more than you ever expected to pay."

Now, I want to twist it and say that trusting and following God will take you farther than you ever thought you could go, the process may give you steps you never wanted to take, or take you longer than desired; but, in the end it will cost you far less than you ever intended to get to where you want to be. Where God wants you to be.

In the past month, I have made decisions that I never thought I would. You know? I used to say I would never go for my Master’s or take summer classes; but here I am pursuing a Master’s and being required to take summer classes to do it. I was set on Business; yet, here I am as a counseling major. Some of the choices that I made this past month specifically were truly exciting while others were terrifying. In the end, I can look at all God has brought me through and know He has me right where He wants me. He has me in the palm of His hand.

While I sit here worrying about different relational issues I face with people, financial struggles, my future endeavors big and small, and the list goes on, God is holding me in the palm of His hand. Just because I do not always feel He is holding me and comforting me does not mean that He is absent. Sometimes I just need to open up my eyes to all the ways that God has provided for me in the present and the past. In the days ahead, I want nothing more than to go where He goes, stay where He stays, and ultimately follow in every step He takes. I have seen what He has done even when my trust waivers. I can not wait to see what He does as He continues to grow my faith in Him.

John 10:27-29

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.

Right now, I'm experiencing a surreal peace and happiness that only God can give as I take leaps towards my calling. I'm experiencing the silver lining in the clouds of darkness I've faced over the past few years. I've seen my life when I rejected Gods love. I've see my life filled with depression, anxiety, and negativity. I've seen my life filled with regret. I've also seen what my life could be as God gives me glimpses of the end goal He has in my life. I've seen the freeing grace of God, the everlasting love that He holds, and felt a comfort no one can out do. Its worth it. It is SO worth it. Every tear. Every heartache. Every breath. Is worth it. Every step that I have to take to get to where God is leading and guiding me is worth it. Its worth not knowing whats around the corner. Its worth the fear of not succeeding. In the end I know that every step of MY story has a purpose. People can try and harm me, discourage me, hinder me, or darken my heart; BUT GOD, will use it all for good. 

My past few years have been filled with dark times but God was the light in the dark. He brought along people that made me closer to the woman I need to be! He strengthened me to face experiences that could have easily ruined me; but His grace brought me through! I have many scars; but, they are a beautiful marks of where God held me, wiped my tears, and covered me with His wings. He has given me what I need and so much more financially, relationally, and spiritually, I just have to keep looking for it. I need to keep seeking Him.

I do not need to know what exactly is in my future. All I need to do is seek after God and follow where He leads. If I do that, I will end up where I need to be. If I fail to follow Him, I need to turn around and get back on the path God wants me on. He is a forgiving God and will welcome me back with open arms. God has taken me to places I never thought I would go when I choose to follow in His footsteps. To not follow Him, I would be cheating myself out of my truest potential as a Women of God.