Still Sovereign

We live in a time of discouragement, anxiety, frustration, and confusion much more serious than we have faced in recent years. These times are likely not like anyone alive has faced. There is much that is wrong with the world today as there always has been; but, there is hope in the midst of all the chaos.

I came home from school in March excited for a Spring Break of relaxation and rejuvenation for the home stretch of my last year on a college campus. Soon it was public knowledge that my school would extend spring break and postpone tennis matches for my senior season. My classes were then moved to online for two weeks and tennis was further postponed. Again, plans were changed, classes were to finish online for the rest of the semester, I would not finish out my senior season of tennis, and I would not return to campus to say the goodbyes I had dreaded to come my senior year.

At home I began to invest in my support whom I had seen on and off for the last four years. It was weird that now I am home until further notice without a set date to move back for college. For four years now, I have always known that next step was to go back to college in the fall or after a break and now I do not have that certainty. Now, I start my internship to pursue the last year of my Master’s degree—or so I thought.

By the end of May, I had adjusted to my new life at home. I had finished my senior year and returned to my job 30-35 hours a week. Just when I was getting adjusted, I got an email that my internship at Londonderry High School for the fall in the guidance counseling department had fallen through. My “next step” was taken away and now I was back at square one to find an internship. I began looking all over for an internship. I messaged every high school and school district office in the area looking for an internship for the fall. When all these schools already had interns, I began to look at counseling centers and applying to various internships in the counseling field. For a month now, I still have no idea what my job will be in the fall to get my hours in for practicum and internship.

My family, in the midst of this, was prepping the house to sell, showing the house (we had to be out of the house for the 24 showings in two days—yes you read that right), selling the house, inspectors came, appraisers came, the search for our new place was happening with no luck, and I was working 30-35 hours a week. Now we have secured a place in Manchester, NH and this week we have moving happening throughout and my mom goes back to work.

I would be lying if I said I have not had a breakdown or two feeling like I cannot handle all of what is happening in my life right now. I have reached the point a couple of times that I just wanted to be done my job and take a vacation to escape from all the changes happening in my life. Why does my life feel like it is falling into pieces? Why do I feel like I cannot handle the various stressors in my life? Am I too weak? Am I not spending enough time in prayer and the Word? Am I forgetting something?

I had forgotten just how sovereign God is. Last year I was in a place of total discouragement, anxiety, and frustration. I felt like I was a stranger in my own home and that I would never be as close to my parents as many of my friends are to theirs. I was longing to have a good relationship with my parents after years of not feeling I had that. BUT GOD in His grace has granted me the gift of a restored relationship with both my parents over the last year. He did what I saw as impossible and gave me the relationship I always wanted as an adult. He gave me one with trust, love, and laughter.

Before God transformed this relationship, I had no interest in being home after my senior year. I would have rather move out and struggle to make ends meet than to live in my family home. God changed my heart, He grew me, and He restored my relationship with my parents long before I was to be unexpectedly home for as long as I have been now. That. is. sovereignty at its core!

Although states are reopening places and we are on our way back to the normal we know, there is much to recover from after so much chaos and craziness in the quarantine weeks. In these times, we all need to remember that God is sovereign and He is the only thing that will stay the same yesterday, today, and forever!

When I’m stressed about moving to a new place and transferring to a new location of work, God is sovereign. When people are at each others throats for one reason or the next, God is sovereign. When my internship falls through and I am back at square one, God is sovereign. When a pandemic causes a nation to shut down and the world as we know it to take a pause, God is sovereign. Whatever chaos is like in your world, remember the one thing that never changes, God’s character. No matter what your stressed, confused, or frustrated about, do not lack sight of this truth. God’s character of love, grace, hope, peace, and sovereignty does not change because of your circumstance.

If you look at your circumstance through the lense of God’s unchanging character you will find yourself refreshed, at peace, and filled with hope. The same sovereign God that restored my relationship with my parents to the great friendship(s) they are today is the same sovereign God by my side through the chaos of my life right now.