Still Good

I came into this semester a week earlier than the rest. As a part of the Women’s Basketball team at Clarks Summit University, I came here a week before classes started for practices. I was able to relax and recharge before another semester of college and I was determined that this semester would not include burn out like previous semesters have. Well, two weeks in I was right where I did not want to be. I was worn, stressed, overwhelmed, discouraged, and all around burnt out. Two weeks into a fourteen-week semester and I was already burnt out. How would I make it through my last semester of college if this continued? What did I need to adjust in order to handle it all? Did I just need to step down from a commitment? If so, which one?

Each of these questions began to swarm into my mind just two weeks into classes as I considered going home for a weekend to be there with my family during a new arising crisis at home. It is important to note that this crisis is part of what sent me into a worn-out state. It was also in this time that a friend came to me and told me, “Alyssa, you really inspire me, you know that? Like, the way that you are involved in so much leadership, work, sports, academics, and yet you give it all 100%. I do not know how you do it but keep doing it.” Hearing this statement was encouraging but also thought provoking. I have this girl telling me she is inspired by all I do; but, little does she know I am on the verge of giving up the fight to do all I am a part of.

After deciding to go home the third week, I made sure that weekend at home with my family was relaxing and filled with quality family time. I came back to school refreshed to start a week on the right foot. Although I got sick that first week back, I began to run a fundraiser for my dorm that led to 857 roses sold which meant 857 roses to purchase, prep, and deliver for Valentine’s Day, eventually leading to myself getting sick again my sixth week of classes.

During the fundraiser, the fifth week of classes, I found out of another family crisis. I remember legit looking up into the ceiling and saying, “What makes you think I can handle this on top of everything else? Am I supposed to back out of something? Did I overbear myself?” I was brought to tears and hit this position of total discouragement and numbness. The circumstances of life did not feel real at all. Was it even possible, two family crisis situations in a few weeks’ time with two separate people?

There I was in the fifth week of classes, still burnt out and no understanding how to live a life not overbearing. What got me through it and to the seventh week of classes now in one piece is something I have never experienced at this capacity until now. When I had lost faith in that moment of questioning God thinking I could not handle all that was in my life, God could have turned His back. He could have slapped me upside the head and told me of all He had done to equip me in the past. He had surely equipped me for everything He has led me too. He could have told me of all He had provided to get me to where I am and who I am today, because He sure had provided all of my needs, especially in my college years. BUT GOD, in His love for me, His stubborn child, He graced me with peace in my time of overwhelming worry, sadness, and discouragement.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

I felt a calming force come over me and I was at peace. Crazy, I was just talking about being so worn and now I am telling you how at peace I am. It made no sense to me either until a passage came to my memory from my time in AWANA, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.

In week five I was discouraged, worried, and worn out from all the semester had entailed. In week six and now, I have been re-energized by the peace of God which surpasses all understanding. It is this type of peace and strength that has gotten me through every crazy maxed out semester and work loaded summer I have experience in my college career. I had come to forget the power of God’s strength because I was caught up trying to handle it all on my own. I think we have all done that from time to time. We get so busy in our lives and the stress of it all that we hit a breaking point, burn out. We start to see like I had, every worry as an obstacle we are unable to overcome. We see things like family crisis, messed up academic plans, unexpected fees/bills with no way of payment, sickness, etc. and we forget all the things God has delivered us from and provided for us in the past.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

In the craziness of all I had faced this first half of the semester, I lost sight of just how in good shape I am in. The same God that got me to CSU, who provided the finances to do so, who has provided comfort, grace, and energy without fail, is the same God that I worship today. How dare I question God’s ability to give me strength now, financial support now, or energy to do all He has called me to. How dare I act as though His character changed because my circumstances got as big as they did. God’s character does not change.

When your circumstances become bigger than yourself do not let yourself become discouraged. Remind yourself of what God has delivered you from in the past and remember that same God is on your side today.

He will deliver you, He will provide for you, and He will give you peace that surpasses all understanding. In our weaknesses, God is exalted more greatly than ever, we just have to submit to Him. We must pray and spend time in His word in faith that where He leads, He will provide and be with us. We must pray with the attitude that even if He answers in a way opposing how we want Him to answer He is still good. He will answer prayers that you have been praying for three years. He will allow you to get in a spot when you have no way of getting through what your going through without relying on Him.

“For my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Finally, never interpret God’s character through the lens of your circumstances. Interpret your circumstances through the lens of God’s word. God's character will not change according to your circumstance but the perspective of your circumstance can change according to your God.