Spring Forward

It’s Good Friday and the perfect Friday to talk about freedom, hope, and relief. We spend too much time setting resolutions and not enough time checking in on if we are making the progress we anticipated to make. So, how are you doing at accomplishing your goals in 2021? It's already April and I cannot be the only one thrown off by that…How have you learned and grown so far this year? Have you challenged yourself? Have you served others? Has God been a priority in your life?

My goal is, to be honest with you about what I experience. I feel I need to share that I have not been my best at pursuing my relationship with God in 2021. I have not been myself as often as I was at the end of 2020. I find myself in moments of being “out of it”, overwhelmed to tears, so depressed I do not want to shower, workout, or do anything that I find important in my life. The social butterfly that I am, I am always looking for ways to interact with people. Socializing gives me energy and life. It makes me feel rejuvenated and fulfilled. Although these things are not bad, I knew there was someone wrong. Those things were not giving me the same energy as they once were. Where was the relief that I needed? Would I ever be free again from the depression and anxiety that was taking over my life? Where is my hope for these?

I was hit with emotions that I did not know if they were seasonal depression, anxiety, or burnout. What I knew at the moment was that I felt drained often of my emotions. You see, depression does not look like it feels. It looks the complete opposite and that is what is so dangerous about depression. Someone could be dangerously depressed but yet no one knows.

I have struggled to find what God has been trying to teach me through this. I knew there was something He was trying to teach me but I could not grasp it exactly. Through time in the Word and time listening to uplifting music, I was able to not only change my perspective of my mental struggle but I found exactly what He has been trying to teach me.

He made me ask myself why I was a part of everything that I am? For example, I realized I was only a part of this accounting class to get a minor in business and make all the business classes I took “worth something” as if God did not have a plan to use the classes without me having a business minor. I dropped out of the course before the session started realizing the burden it would take off my shoulders. There was no reason to add to my schedule if I was only doing it for the label. At this moment, I practiced self-care and trusting God to use every class I have accomplished even if it is not reflected on my diploma.

God has been teaching me to check my priorities for everything I participate in, pursue, and commit my time and energy to. He has convicted me to not overstretch myself and to not overwork myself, as I often do. God has reminded me that I can not do it on my own as I began attempting to do. Through the start of 2021, God has reminded me that only He makes the way to peace from anxiety and freedom from depression. It is not my work that makes me overcome depression but His grace in my life that frees me from it! Only He can grant me the peace above any understanding I could never have on this earth without Him. He has realigned my perspective to one lost through the trials I’ve faced in 2021 so far.

You may be wondering how someone about to get married and graduate with their Master’s degree in Counseling while working in a job they love could be depressed and battling anxiety. For one, I have lived a life of battling depression and anxiety. I am constantly learning how to practice new healthy coping skills, what I need to calm and practice self-care. Battling depression and anxiety is a daily battle. Some days are a breeze. Some weeks or months are a breeze, but then you have periods of time it is hard to shake those negative thoughts inside your head. It becomes especially hard when you lose a loved one.

My Nana passed away just over a month ago and it was the craziness of how we saw her dying before our eyes that made me struggle with my mental health so deeply. My eight weeks of making a good sleep habit were ruined. I was emotional, crying when I went to bed thinking of losing her, holding on by a thread as I went through my stressful job. We knew my Nana would pass but we did not know when. As her death neared, it was so hard to see her the way she was with her dementia and no matter how much you know it will happen, you can never be fully prepared to lose someone. My Nana was an integral part of my childhood. There is so much that she gave me in her lifetime. Knowing that I would lose her and when I did lose her were both huge things to process while still working full time, schooling full time, and balancing family and wedding planning on top of that.

Through this trial, God has reminded me that He is where my freedom resides from anxiety and depression. He is the ONLY place that I can find peace from being overwhelmed by all the directions my life seems to be pulled in. He alone can give me freedom from all the mental battles I struggle on a daily basis, some days more than others. Balancing life, school, work, family, relationship, getting ready for marriage…There is nothing He can not grant me peace in! There is nothing He can not grant me freedom from!

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:7

No matter how hard I try and overcome hardships on my own NOTHING compares to the peace granted when I cast it all down at His feet. Even if this means crying out to Him harder than I have cried in years...even if it means having no words to describe the pain I am going through, as I experienced in saying goodbye to my Nana...I must let Him carry my burdens! I must allow Him to comfort and restore my heart!

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavily laden, and I will give you rest.” Matt. 11:28

While it's human to forget the truth of God’s peace and comfort when trials come, 2021 has been the reminder so far that I needed. I needed to be reminded that no matter what I do, balancing everything on my own, if I am not focused on Him then I will give way to the worries and sadness of the world without freedom from all that pain. It’s so easy to get distracted by all the things we are trying to do to make it in this world, but forget that we are supposed to be making ourselves better for Him! Our purpose in life is not to be better for the world but to better ourselves for GOD!

All these things that we do on a daily basis can be totally innocent and help us become better for him but if we’re just trying to be better for the world we’re not pursuing the right calling. We will not be fulfilled and we will not feel that freedom, full and free, from depression anxiety, or any other pressures this world has to offer.

Let this month of April be where you spring forward into freedom! Spring into the freedom that comes with the death of Jesus Christ on the cross. He has sacrificed His life so you can experience the peace that goes beyond our understanding and freedom from all the pain and struggles this world will bring! When you commit your life to Him, peace and freedom will follow because your hope will be found…in HIM! He will grant you relief in the same way He did for me.