Relentless

For the past couple of weeks, I have been wracking my brain trying to think of my next blog post topic. A variety of topics flooded my mind; but, one that overwhelmed my soul is the love of God. Throughout my life, especially my Junior year of college, God has called out to me in love with open arms. In my most desperate times, He cries out to me as His daughter to accept the love He offers and the comfort that comes with it. Accepting love from anyone has always been a struggle for me for reasons that are hard to explain in a vague way to you all; however, bits and piece of reasons for my struggle to accept love from people, are found in my previous posts as I share traumas of my childhood and my young adult life. Ultimately, though God has and continues to teach me a lot about patience and trust in answers to my prayers, I have found that my love for God goes hand in hand with them both.

We live in a world full of darkness. You need only go to Walmart or the Mall to see the true depravity and darkness of humanity. The things people will do to get what they want and what they think they have a right to is insane. The entitlement that controls our nation’s actions towards others is sickening. We live in a world where people trample over our feelings, do not bother to have respect for anything about us, and people care more about their own circumstances than carrying another’s burdens. We spend more time praying for our next request from God about ourselves than we do for others around us and the struggles that they are facing or could face any given day. The saddest part about our world today is how deceptive people are, how much they like to play each other, tear each other down, rip apart their dignity, smash it on the ground in a million pieces, and leaving it for someone else to put back together.

As a 14-year-old teen in her Freshman year of High School, I myself felt the affects of everything above and so much more. I spent most of my time avoiding people that I knew would say cruel things to me about whatever they felt like that day. I was extremely uncomfortable embracing the person God made me because of how people treated me for being that girl. People made fun of my laugh constantly telling me that it was just to get attention. I was told that I was too loud and that I would never have a guy interested in me if I kept being so loud and obnoxious.

I had someone that left voicemail after voicemail on my phone naming every cruel name in the book and telling me how awful of a person I was. From this same guy, I endured left notes filled with hatred in my locker about how I should go jump in front of a car, off a cliff, or just end my life because I was not of anything but a cause of pain in this person’s life. All I had done to this person was turn down being his girlfriend. I spent the first half hour before classes started each day during this period of time to cry in the bathroom so no one would know I was affected at all by how I was being treated. I'm sure it is no surprise to you that though I am being vague about my experience in my Freshman year that I went through a time of suicidal thoughts in light of all these happenings. I been facing doubts of my salvation in Christ, I felt the cal of God calling out to me over and over again; but, I refused to be vulnerable and except what need I had for the love of God.

"I was an orphan lost at the fall. Running away when I'd hear your call. But Father, you worked your will. I had no righteousness of my own I had no right to draw near your throne. But Father, you loved me still" -Grace Alone by Zion

I did not see what purpose I had in life. I neglected any idea of being of use in the world I lived in as I just felt like a burden to everyone around me. BUT on January 3, 2013, as a Sophomore in High School, I not only found my purpose but I decided to accept a love I had long run from not believing it could be so real. On this day, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. I accepted the invitation long ago given to me to be a daughter of the King. God had been chasing after me with a love unexplainable to surround me in the hurt of my childhood traumas and the hurt of the bullying I experienced. God called out to me in such a loud voice of how much He loves me and will NEVER let me down!

He told me, “Alyssa, you are mine! You are loved! You belong to me, daughter! I will strengthen you and protect you from all that comes against you!” This story brings tears to my eyes because I had never believed someone could love me so unconditionally! To this day it still leaves me in awe! I thought that there was no way someone could love me in the pure definition of what love was. I expected disappointment from people and even at such a young age, I had very low expectations for anyone. I did not trust people at all! But God called out to me and he pursued me with a RECKLESS and RELENTLESS love! He never gave up on me. He never has and I believe He never will!

Isaiah 43:1-5 1 But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. 4 Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. 5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.

Even now as I face different trials, God still is as relentless and reckless in His love for me! He chases me daily with a love of comfort! I love Him for that and if I do love Him, I will love Him enough to be patient and trusting with His timing for everything He allows to happen and everything that He leads me to! Whatever doors he opens, whatever hallway He wants me to stay in for a time, and whatever door He closes, I know that there is only one thing that will love me forever, eternally, with everything He has, and that is my father in Heaven. No matter what kind of a father you have on earth, no matter what siblings, friends, or acquaintances you have, God will always be your father. He will never fail to listen to you, protect you, love you, chase you, to be patient with you, or to give you grace! His love never fails and is always available if only you accept the gift! He will never let go of you! He will never leave you! He will carry you! He will cover you with love, grace, and mercy! He is near to the brokenhearted and is the best counselor you could ever find! Choose today to rest in the power and truth of God's relentless love of which no one can compare!

"You carry us, carry us, When the world gives way You cover us, cover us, With Your endless grace

Your love is relentless! Your love is relentless! Your love is relentless! Your love is relentless!"

-Relentless by Hillsong United

*For more encouragement listen to Carry Me by Josh Wilson