Purposed

A few weeks ago, I went on a hike up Mount Major in Alton, New Hampshire. On the way to the location, my friend and I stopped at Wendy's for lunch. When he suggested the 4/$4 I was down. I got the chicken nuggets, a jr. chicken sandwich, fries;and, of course, the chocolate frosty for $4! I had totally forgotten about the fact I was about to hike a four mile loop up a mountain...It was not until we got about .5 miles up that I realized why my body was struggling so much. My friend goes, "Oh, didn't you have chicken nuggets?" and as we proceeded to laugh I became disappointed in myself for eating so irresponsibly before a strenuous activity. I was more humored that I didn't go with my gut when he ordered a salad and I thought it would be a good idea to change my order. In the moment, I just had a hunch; however, still forgot about the task before me.

Do you ever feel like you are just waiting for that great thing to happen for you? Your mile to be under a certain time? Project to be done? Relationships to be made? Degree achieved? Promotion reached? Being healthier looking? Feeling healthier? etc. I could be waiting around forever if I expect to have any of that without taking the proper steps. Like taking a hike with chicken nuggets in my stomach on top of french fries and a chocolate frosty, should I really expect my body to handle the various responsibilities and endeavors I have without proper self-care?

In a post I made to Facebook last month I shared the following story:

"A year ago I was controlled by stress, trauma, and depression. One month prior I was 145 lbs and in just one month I lost 18 lbs. 100% was lost by stress and the lack of appetite I had as I struggled to not only be confident in the body I was in; but, handle the overwhelming toxicity from many areas of my life. I went to Clarks Summit University in the fall at 127 lbs...It was not easy getting myself to eat more or get the right amount of sleep; but, God put people in my life especially my volleyball team and coaches that kept an eye on me when I didn’t know it! They made sure I was eating and eating well! When I didn’t want to eat more than a bite or two of my meal, friends made sure I ate a decent portion before getting up from the table! Here I am on the right and not embarrassed to say I am at 143 lbs because I know I am better off at this weight where I don't starve myself, I stay active and hydrated, and most importantly I've learned taking care of myself is not at all selfish but necessary! No longer am I starving myself, no longer do I let stress or depression take over me, and because of my great God I am stronger mentally, emotional, and spiritually even after the traumatic experiences I have faced! "

I wanted to reach a point with myself where I was confident in the body I was in. However, I failed to give my body the right amount of sleep, food, water, quiet time alone, and so many other things Summer of 2018 including getting rid of toxic relationships and relaxing! I was waiting around to feel better about who God made me, what my passions are, be confident in my body along with confident in my talents I had been given. I was waiting to feel better about me instead of taking the right steps by becoming closer to the one who dries all tears, comforts all sorrows, and judges all the wicked. My body was not at fault for what I had faced in the past; but, it is a part of believing in what God says. It was believing that me with whatever body I had could be loved unconditionally. All I longed for was able to be found in Ephesians where I am reminded of the purposed, created, and intricately designed Child of God I am. I found hope in Ephesians as I made my journey to the new me this past year.

Ephesians 2:10, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Just like you can not eat fried food and expect a full source of energy on a hike up a mountain, you also can not feed false truth to yourself daily about your beauty or lack thereof, smarts or lack thereof, talents or lack thereof etc. without the consequence of losing confidence in who God made you, caring for the body He gifted you, and even joyfully walking through life. No one speaks more to you than you so make sure you are encouraging yourself with truth like Ephesians 2:10 and Psalms 139:14-18. We are all on a journey and although we do not have control of the twists and turns that await that journey we have the choice to be good stewards of the bodies God has given us.

This year in the posting of the new roster for volleyball at my college, I was reminded of the transformation in my life physically thanks to God teaching me to take care of myself daily. I can now better serve the people around me with the ways He has personally designed me through serving my friends, my team, and even leadership in my dorm. This time last year or even two years ago, I had yet to feed myself truth daily and learn to not degrade myself through the words I spoke aloud and to myself about who I am. I have learned this last year not only how to not starve myself; but, also to feed my mind and body with truth from God's word.

Senior Year Junior Year Sophomore Year

The difference between these pictures is more than just the physical but the person underneath is progressively less stressed and more joyful from right to left. I am no longer the same person as I was my junior year and for sure not the same as my sophomore year inside and out. Step by step I learned to love the body that God gave me, the personality he created me with, and even the quirks that are not as easily accepted in the world that we live in. You too were beautifully and intricately created and designed with a purpose. You are beautiful! You are purposed! You have worth! Now its up to you to preach that to yourself daily as you feed the body God gave you...Are you going to feed it lies that lead your mind to an unhealthy state and eventually to you starving yourself physically to fit in to the worlds view of the "ideal body"? Or will you dive into truth each day and decide to believe what God says about you and the beauty of your uniqueness?