Never Alone

When I think about my life before dating my husband, I think of how discouraged I got about my dating life. I remember struggling with the desire to get married and having unsuccessful relationships for one reason or another. Only a couple weeks before my husband and I went on our first date, I remember begging God to take away the desire to be married if it was not in His plan.

I asked Him not knowing if He had a man out there for me. BUT GOD did not take my desire away. He knew nine months later I would be engaged and less than two years later I would be married.

I am reminded of this now as I am in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 20 months now. We have a strong desire to raise children together. I find myself begging God again, but this time to take away the desire to be a mom if this is not in His plan. I've prayed this prayer for a few months now and I find it funny to be in a situation with a similar prayer mindset as the one I had just before my husband and I started our relationship together. I have learned that God works most powerfully in my life when things do not go as I had planned because I have no choice but to submit to His will. It is in times that we have no control that we truly learn who is in control of it all. When we submit to Him and acknowledge that He is in control, we submit to His strength. Only then can we see His full power. Only then can we access the strength to endure through our trials.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

The thing is, although I'm praying a similar prayer now, this trial is much more difficult than when I was praying for a husband. Infertility is such a complicated trial, one so unique from any other time I have struggled with faith or hope that God will do something or if he even can. There are just so many factors at play in the infertility discouragement I face and many other women do as well.

Battling infertility is a daily trial. Every day, every month, it is a new trial to wake up, accept it's not your time yet, watch people get pregnant quickly, watch people get pregnant without planning everything out to get the perfect timing, like I've been trying to do for so long. Its a daily decision that needs to be made to keep hope alive. My heart rejoices for those that haven't known the sadness of infertility but I have learned I can be joyous with people in their blessings while frustrated with my own situation.

It has been far from easy to remember God can do miracles or process that right now it is part of His plan for my husband and I to struggle to start a family. For some unknown reason, this is a part of our story God has chosen for us, to shape us and prepare us for what is ahead. The hope I choose to hold on to is the truth that God makes broken things beautiful. He takes difficulties and discouragement to create a story that brings hope to those in a similar situation. No pain goes unutilized for His glory when we submit to His will and comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4: "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

What is so overwhelming about the comfort and joy that God provides is how we can feel so at peace, even in the heartache. It is unnatural to have peace when all around is discouragement. I have my days where I do not have faith that this pain will ever end, that is the human in me, BUT GOD in His grace reminds me often that He has not left me alone. The pain I feel in this time of infertility will not last forever. He has not forgotten about me and He NEVER will! He is not finished writing my story and I have faith He will use this pain to sharpen both mine and my husband's faith.

Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

In life's most unknown and discouraging moments, we must cling to the God of all comfort, peace, and hope. He alone can walk through the darkest parts of your life with you and make sure you come out on the other side better not bitter. Even in discouragement and pain, we can find peace and comfort in God's arms.

Philippians 4:6-7 "The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."