Hope for the Hopeless
- Alyssa Somers
- Apr 1, 2019
- 7 min read
Today, we begin the month of Sexual Assault Awareness. I am taking this opportunity to shed some light on the reality of sexual assault, the REAL ways to help a victim, and the hope there is for the victim of these traumatic actions experienced. I believe all are called in Scripture to help those suffering. I believe to know this is happening and do nothing about it is a sin in it of itself. If you know something is happening or have a hunch that something might be happening, it is up to you to speak up or you are enabling the perpetrator. In this article, my objective is to, from a victim’s perspective, share how you can help yourself as a victim or help others as one never affected by such harmful actions.
Proverbs 22:3 (NASB)
The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, But the naive go on, and are punished for it.
It is no surprise to any one of us that evil fills the world that we live in. We live in a world filled with fear of the unknown and the possible actions of another person. Some struggle with this fear more than others. Some have their whole life flipped upside down and shattered into a million pieces because of the actions of another human being. The results could be physical, psychological, emotional, or even relational effects or all of the above that occur from one person’s evil towards another. There is a specific group of these hurt people that are more harmed than others as well as the most silenced about their pain, this group includes everyone who has been sexually assaulted or abused in their lifetime. The abuse itself causes a fear to speak up, a fear of being at fault, a fear of people’s reactions, and a destined path to insecurities in relationships and opportunities that the future will bring.
Here is the reality: According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), every 92 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted, every 9 minutes that victim is a child, and only 5/1,000 perpetrators end up in prison for their actions. If these statistics do not show you how real this issue is, then I do not know what else to say. These stats do NOT lie. These statistics are straight from a national hotline for victims of sexual assault. Our society holds many myths about victims of sexual assault and the sugar-coating affect that has on the issue is sickening.
For example, the myth that victims rarely know their perpetrator is a lie. RAINN has the following data on the subject:
This is just the ones reported! Let that sink in…..a little more……and just a little more. Maybe you are sitting there thinking “Why would the child not report an action so cruel?” or “Why did the victim not stop the person from their actions?”. This is where hearing truth from a victim of sexual assault is very VERY helpful.
As someone who has been the victim to sexual assault, I know first hand the truth of what is going through a mind during the assault itself. Both when I was little and when I was 16, I did not know what to do. I was scared of my perpetrator both the one who harmed me at a young age and the other who harmed me at 16. I did not believe I would get away with telling on either them. The guilt in my heart scared me into thinking that it was all my fault, I could have stopped these disgusting acts done to me, and I believed that I was at fault even though I was clearly not at fault in any way. Because I believed this, telling anyone that may be able to help was out of the question for me. I thought that if I even tried to say anything that the person already physically assaulting me would blame it all on me.
You can not understand anywhere close to fully what goes through a victim’s head during an assault unless you have experienced the same. There are three responses to trauma: fight, flight, and freeze. Each of these are equally natural and normal for a person to have. Each of these are signs of a person no longer feeling safe and may need to stop whatever they are doing. For me in this instance, my response was to freeze and it was not a conscious choice to do so. Manitoba Trauma Information & Education Centre states that the characteristics of the freeze response to trauma is:
- Feeling stuck in some part of body - Feeling cold/frozen, numb, pale skin
- Sense of stiffness, heaviness - Holding breath/restricted breathing
- Sense of dread, heart pounding - Decreased heart rate (can sometimes increase)
- Orientation to threat
The fact is, many victims try to fight it, some succeed, others end up freezing unable to flee, some get away, while others are not so lucky. Society is quick to judge the victim for putting themselves into the position or not getting out quick enough and quite slow in coming along side the victim to be the overwhelming support that they need! I know this first-hand. I also understand that some just have no idea how to help the victim. Therefore, I am writing this article! My whole purpose is to tell you how you can help victims, now and in the future relationships you encounter.
“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another” – Charles Dickens
Here is what you can do about it as a victim?
If you are a victim, here is where I express my greatest apologies that you have experienced such evil. I may not know you; but, I love you! I am praying for you everyday and plan to continue to pray as you fight this battle. There is hope for you! There is hope for a better, safer, and happier tomorrow. Keep fighting! Cling to God’s truth’s as truly hard it is to do right now. Your world feels like it is crashing down and people will tell you this is all for something good. BUT do not focus on that! Focus on the God of all comfort who is near the brokenhearted!
Psalm 34:18 (ESV)
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Focus on the love that HE has for you that is greater than any person on this earth can ever express to you! He may seem ever so distant right now in your trials, you may have so many questions, and be so confused as to why you are experiencing such trauma; but, trust me when I say that you WILL get through this! Your #1 step to getting through this is to get help! I know telling someone is the last thing you think is helpful. What if they hurt me more? What if they catch me trying to tell?
But think about this, what if it frees you from their control! I am going to have below the national hotline for any form of assault. These are volunteers that are available 24/7 just for you! Because you are so loved, special, unique, and valued that RAINN has people there literally every second for you to get help! They will get you the help you need to be removed from your situation. They will connect you with counselors to help you recover and grow past this trauma. There is hope! To get help:
Call: 1-800-656-4673 or Chat with someone by clicking here.
If you were a victim in the past, use this month of sexual assault awareness to share your story! Let people hear the hope that there is that one day the chains of the assailant will be off of your hands! You will one day not be controlled by them. However, the reality is that there is a need to not just share your story but to process it in a safe place like with a Christian counselor. There is a processing that needs to take place no matter how long ago the assault was. You must reach out so you can truly process things so long suppressed. You will be surprised how that assault or multiple assault years ago affects how you think, act, and interact in current situations and relationships today. Part of the freedom from your perpetrator comes in processing your grief in a safe environment where God can break the chains of lies that fill your mind in response to previous assault. Let your voice be heard! Show other the reality of this issue and show victims their voice has power too! Speak up! Be heard!
Not a victim?
How can you help stop the acts of sexual assault?
#1 Pray! Pray for the freedom of these victims from their abuser. Prayer for strength. Pray that these victims would be heard, helped, saved, and counseled. Pray that God would surround these victims with support to relieve them from the life-long affects that sexual assault has on victims.
#2 Donate and/or Volunteer! Below are various organizations of well-known reputation for giving hope to the hopeless and a voice to the silenced. You can donate any amount at any time and any frequency. You can even volunteer:
#3 Speak up! If you see anything suspicious or close to an assault. If you see anything questionable, TELL SOMEONE! It is better to speak up and it not be something than to wish you had!
#4 Be Patient and Loving! Victims of Sexual assault have various potentially life-long struggles relationally, emotionally, and psychologically because of the abuse that they endured. To find a detailed list of side affects a victim may endure throughout their lifetime because of sexual assault click here. Victims need love and patience more than anything! They are likely to be more fearful of physical touch, intimate relationships, less likely to trust anyone easily if at all, but this is why this step is the most important! Victims need to know that you see what they have gone through and empathize with how you are processing and grieving the situation. If they are extra snappy than normal here and there, do not jump to criticizing; but, sit them down and talk to them about what is going on in their head. What are they thinking? Is there a way that you can help? Do not assume the rude actions are directed towards you….ASK QUESTIONS before assuming they are just being jerks. It is about more than your hurt feelings. It is about their past that makes it hard to trust or process things until proper steps are taken in healing. There is a process that needs to take place of baby steps in thinking things through truth and not the lies that are there because of how someone screwed around with the victim’s body, mind, and soul. Be Patient! Love the victim enough to be patient!
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